DARK TRIAD explained without labels: why certain bonds make us ill

In psychoanalysis, what is now called Dark Triad personality is not understood merely as a set of “difficult” traits in someone, but as a way of relating in which the other is not fully experienced or perceived as a person.

Freud already described that when narcissism is excessively closed in on itself and there are no internal limits organizing care for the other, the bond ceases to be guided by consideration and begins to serve self-interest.

André Green helps us understand these cases by describing the subjective experience of a psychic void in which the other loses emotional relevance and comes to be treated as a function or a means.

Otto Kernberg observes that, in such relationships, seduction, exploitation, and disposal are common, while Christopher Bollas describes the use of the other as someone who serves to regulate emotions and sustain identity, rather than to engage in genuine exchange.

The central point is not conscious cruelty, but a profound difficulty in recognizing the other as a separate person, with feelings and limits of their own—something that makes these bonds inevitably destructive for those who become involved.

The functioning behind what is now called the Dark Triad

Although personality psychology describes the Dark Triad as the sum of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy, what can be observed beyond isolated traits is a recurring and harmful way of relating.

It is a form of relationship in which the other is not experienced as someone with their own inner life, but as a means of regulation, confirmation, or discharge. In these cases, the bond is not a space of exchange, but of use.

The other ceases to occupy a living place in the person’s emotional economy and comes to exist as a function: someone who serves to stimulate, contain, validate, or sustain a fragile identity. When this function fails, the bond loses its meaning.

Kernberg notes that this functioning often combines narcissism and aggression, followed by exploitation, devaluation, and disposal.

What does the triad consist of?

4. Pathological narcissism: the other as a disposable mirror

• The other exists to sustain an image

• When they no longer fulfill this function, they are devalued

• Alternation between idealization and disposal

5. Machiavellianism: intelligence without relational ethics

• Preserved cognitive capacity

• Instrumental empathy (understanding the other in order to manipulate them)

• Cold planning of the bond

• The bond is a game, not a relationship

Here there is no naivety, there is calculation.

6. Psychopathy: absence of the other’s inscription as a subject

• It is not constant rage, but indifference

• The other is not experienced as a similar being

• The suffering of others does not organize internal limits

Psychoanalytic reading: a primitive failure in the symbolization of the other.

Very close to you

Today, in Brazil, people with this type of functioning appear less as “outliers” and more diluted within certain social contexts, where this way of operating is not only tolerated, but rewarded.

They can be found more frequently:

1. In romantic relationships marked by power asymmetry

Dating apps, dynamics of rapid disposal, intense seduction followed by indifference. These environments favor:

• use of the other without implication

• instrumental lies

• affective exploitation

2. In highly competitive corporate environments

Especially where:

• performance matters more than ethics

• bonds are disposable

• empathy is seen as weakness

Traits of coldness, manipulation, and narcissism may be rewarded.

3. In spaces of visibility and symbolic power

Influencers, charismatic leaders, public figures:

• heavy investment in image

• utilitarian relationships

• difficulty sustaining affective responsibility

Here, narcissism finds a stage, not a limit.

4. In contexts of domestic violence and psychological abuse

Here, the functioning ceases to be merely relational and may escalate into:

• control

• humiliation

• intimidation

In 2024 (the most recent data reported in the 2025 Atlas), around 1,459 women were murdered for gender-related reasons in Brazil.

5. In the penal and forensic system (a minority)

Cases of psychopathy in the strict sense:

• repeated crimes

• absence of remorse

• instrumental use of the other

They are rare, but they exist—and they do not represent the majority of abusive relationships.

The psychic effects on those who relate to someone like this

The most frequent effect is not simple sadness, but emotional disorganization. The person begins to doubt their own feelings, their judgment, and their perception of reality. Anxiety, rumination, and often a reduction in spontaneity emerge.

This does not indicate personal fragility. It indicates prolonged exposure to a relationship in which one dominates and the other submits, because there is risk involved.

An important truth

Understanding this functioning is not meant to monitor people or label relationships. It serves to interrupt one’s own psychic violence of trying to sustain bonds in which the other is not available to recognize, care, or take responsibility.

It is not about changing the other, but about withdrawing one’s desire from a field where it is used, not valued or celebrated.